I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
