Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
