Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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