My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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