Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
