Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
