I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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