I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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