It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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