Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
