I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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