I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
