God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
