WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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