seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
