My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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