I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize
