I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
We have started to decorate penises.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
