There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
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