I'd wear matching sweaters with you
my mouth tastes like poor choices
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
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