how can u be prego again
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
