I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
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