Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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