um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
