They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
