If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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