bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
