I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
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