ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
