I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
