see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
