were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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