he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
