we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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