oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I just cut my nipple shaving
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
