TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Randomize
