Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
