Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
