I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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