she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
