he wants to bone in the snuggie
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
