Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
we're so committed to being not committed
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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