Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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