There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
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