i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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