Im at strip club and am horny
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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