Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
