Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize
