Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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