Your mouth is God's brothel.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
